Having Enough (In a Have-It-All World)

One day last spring, I typed “writer mama” into GoodSearch (a great do-good alternative to the typical search engines, BTW) and up came the world of Christina Katz. I’m still not quite sure why I GoodSearch-ed that term, but I am quite sure I was meant to connect with Christina, the original Writer Mama (or at least the most savvy, as she claimed the title first!), who lives and works in the lovely state of Oregon.

I read Christina’s great first book from Writer’s Digest Books, Writer Mama: How to Raise a Writing Career Alongside Your Kids and took her excellent online class, Platform-Building for Writers, from which this very blog was born. (She’s now hard at work on her top-secret next book for Writer’s Digest Books.)

Along with teaching hundreds of students through her Writers on the Rise site, book-writing, and publishing two zines, Christina has written over two hundred articles for magazines, newspapers, and online publications and has appeared on Good Morning America. She’s also a wife to a teacher-husband (woohoo!) and mother to one daughter (double woohoo!). In short, she is an example and a mentor to writer mamas everywhere (including me).

It is my great fortune that Christina invited me to be a new columnist for her zine, Writer Mama. (And she announced this yesterday on her very popular blog, so exciting!) I couldn’t be more thrilled about writing this column, which starts in January, and the topic she chose for me is more than perfect. (More details to come!)

Of course, it is only fitting that I asked the original writer mama to participate in a Four-Question Interview here at Having Enough. Her answers are insightful and telling of who she is, and why she is so successful at what she does (in short, because she loves it — at length, check out how her snappy mind works…).

1) What does “having enough” mean to you?

Today, it means that I have “enough” work on my plate and I have to say “No” or “Not now” to folks I hate to disappoint. But I think moms, and especially moms who write are challenged to prioritize all the time. And every once in awhile we realize that our “open door policies” need to be revisited.

2) What do you think about the concept of “having it all” in our culture?

I think that we already have enough. We are blessed to live in the most amazing country in the world with all of the freedoms and pleasures that come with that privilege. I can say “No” because I don’t need more, more, more. I have enough. I am enough. You are enough. And enough is enough.

3) How do you define success?

Heeding my inner calling and growth gaged by my instincts, not external measurements.

4) Can you describe a defining moment in your life when you had to choose between “having enough” or pushing for more? (And how did it turn out for you?)

Hmm. This is an interesting question because I am really a “Yes, please, I’ll have some more” kind of person. So I guess I don’t see it as black and white. I see it as there are times when more is appropriate” and there are times when enough is enough. I think the key word here is “pushing.”

The definition of pushing implies will. Will can be fine in the sense of being strong-willed or knowing your own will. But will becomes a problem when it’s “self will run riot,” as they say in twelve step programs.

In other words, when will is out of control, that’s a problem. Be we mustn’t be too quick to judge.

What I notice is that most women, including myself, are afraid to ask for more. And so we don’t. And then we feel crummy. And perhaps this makes us more willful. Powerlessness is not a good feeling.

I’d say that the solution is to expect more and ask for more with realistic and reasonable expectations. And be sure that the more that you are working on is actually meaningful to you personally.

Nature is wired for more. So it’s not unnatural. There is the sowing and the reaping. Also there is so much more than meets the eye going on in this world. These are perennial truths. So I think we need to be careful not to wage war against “more.”

More is essentially good. Except when it’s already enough.

Thanks, Christina! Readers, what are your thoughts on “more”?

I was lucky to “cyber-meet” writer mama Amy Mercer when we participated together in an online writing class taught by the “official” Writer Mama, Christina Katz. (That class, and Christina, were the impetus for me launching this blog, by the way!). The Writers on the Rise class was on platform-building for writers, and many of us were struggling to define our platform (mission statement, focus), questioning, kvetching, trying on this and that.

Amy was one of the only class participants who had her platform down from day one, and just needed a nudge in launching it. Amy’s platform is about being a woman with diabetes, and helping other women with diabetes, especially younger ones who are living through what she already has.

I instantly became sucked into Amy’s platform — her blog, articles, and books-to-be — because I know well that health is the absolute, fundamental foundation of “having enough.” Without our health, everything looks different, every challenge is harder. And Amy has faced this reality every day for most of her life, with dire consequences if she doesn’t. She did this as a teenager. And now as a 36-year-old woman with kids. And a writing career. She has a lot to share with us.

Here are Amy’s answer’s to my “four questions”:

1) What does “having enough” mean to you?

Having enough. Hmmmmm….I don’t know if I’ve ever believed I had enough. I am definitely a grass is always greener kind of girl and I struggle with that straight jacket on an almost daily basis.

As a woman who quit her well paying job when my first child was born, and haven’t gone back yet, my husband and I have been living on a fixed income for what feels like forever. I want to be the kind of person for who living within my means is a lifestyle choice, the kind of person who recycles her children’s clothing, who lives in a small house, drives an old car and cooks dinner every night because it’s better for the environment not because I can’t afford to go shopping, buy a bigger house or go out to dinner more often.

I even want to be the kind of person who writes just because I love to write, the kind of person who doesn’t care about being published, but that’s just not me. I think the only thing I’m sure I have enough of, is my two boys!

2) What do you think about the concept of “having it all” in our culture?

On that note, I do cringe at the idea of having it all. I believe we are a wasteful culture and I alternate between being green with envy and feeling nauseous when I see the giant homes, giant SUV’s, giant bodies eating giant portions (not envious here) around me.

I grew up in New England and come from a family that believes, “Everything in moderation” is the way to go. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 14 years old so having it all, as far as food was concerned, was never an option for me. So it’s probably my Protestant/Diabetic upbringing that is very anti-having it all.

3) How do you define success?

To me, the definition of success is a mixed bag. I know I feel best on the days when I have woken up well rested with a good blood sugar reading, had a great morning run, got my kids off to school without too much trouble and can come home to write.

I feel successful when I am on a roll writing, when something I write gets published, when someone likes the story idea I want to tell. I felt successful the other day when I apologized to my son for being grouchy and he said, “that’s okay mom, you’re a famous writer!” (my name was in the paper that day for a book signing!) I’ll feel successful when a book publisher agrees to publish my anthology, Dreaming About Water, a collection of personal essays and practical advice by and for women living with diabetes.

4) Can you describe a defining moment in your life when you had to choose between “having enough” or pushing for more? (And how did it turn out for you?)

The moment that stands out for me is when I quit my job. I knew I couldn’t go back to work and leave my new baby with a nanny or a day care provider. I didn’t care what kind of sacrifices we had to make, I was ready to sell our house and move into something more affordable so I could stay home with Will. There was just no way I was going to do anything but.

I am an introvert by nature, I am not someone who is comfortable asking for what I want but this time I knew I had to. I stood up for myself and refused to back down from that decision and I have never regretted it.

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Readers, how does health factor into your vision of “having enough”? Do you take your health for granted? How do you deal with health challenges?