The Truth About My Stay-cation

August 9, 2008 at 10:31 am 3 comments

So, I said July would be my stay-cation and now it’s a week into August. I’m just writing again for the first time and here’s the truth: I’m kind of forcing myself to do it.

The truth about my stay-cation is that it was really more of a break from writing regularly than a real break in my life. While writing is so natural to me, so “can’t not,” I needed a pause from it. I’m glad I took it, although I’m not sure I feel like it was a break so much as a necessary exhale.

The summer was super-busy and a little nuts, with constant out-of-town visitors, an intense period for our two-year-old, and me getting through the first trimester of pregnancy. It has been an intense summer for several relationships and people in my life. It has been a disorganized summer for me, unstructured for better and for worse, with long-unanswered emails, un-made phone calls, un-sorted papers and mail, and unclear thoughts. This summer I have been averse to being on the computer (odd for me) and I’ve down-sized some of my professional work to catch a breath.

This summer is almost over (noted in our house by teacher-husband returning to school in less than two weeks) and I’m not exactly sure what we’ve done with it. There have been glorious moments, enlightening books and films (which I’ll discuss later), spinning wheels over many little decisions, a quest for a more organized grocery list, new connections and disconnections in our growing community and among family/friends, the quiet mornings together that we hoped for, after some frenetic nights of toddler nightmares. Honestly, it’s a bit of a blur, perhaps nudged by pregnancy hormones, but a blur nonetheless.

So, the truth is, I didn’t exactly relax and not think on this stay-cation, as promised.  The truth is, I’m not exactly coming back refreshed (although I didn’t actually plan to be thoroughly refreshed, so much as to just come back less clutter-brained). The truth is, I’m still feeling a bit tired and, yes, still clutter-brained.

It wouldn’t have mattered if we were at home or elsewhere (we tried elsewhere for a week and what a hilarious disaster that was — I’ll explain that later, too).  It’s just a time of transition, of normal upheaval, of shedding and rethinking, which can’t really be “escaped from” and perhaps isn’t best to be.  I’m still feeling fraught about some relationships, some choices in discussion, the upcoming big change in adding a member to our family. Yet, I’m also feeling OK amidst it all, in perspective of all of our many blessings and privileges and gifts. I’m happy, but unsettled at the moment — peaceful at core but a bit sleepless at the same time.

Still, I am back. I am writing.  I am typing on this blog at 3:17 in the morning.

And, really, for today, that is enough.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Stay-cation! Summer Flix and Picks

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jena  |  August 9, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    It never is just one thing, is it?

    Exciting to learn you are expecting!

    Reply
  • 2. rowena  |  August 9, 2008 at 1:34 pm

    I don’t think you should underestimate the number being pregnant does on your mind and energy. How much of this state of unrest is stemming from the first trimester hormones? I was unable to write, even in my journal, for my two first trimesters.

    What did you do? Seems like you did a lot of living… plus you were making a human being. That’s a lot.

    Reply
  • 3. Megan  |  August 17, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    Thanks for the comments, ladies! Rowena, I appreciate the perspective — yes, as I move further into the second trimester, things are saner in my head. 🙂 Of course, I’m ready for the roller coaster of the next trimester and thereafter, too — what a fun ride!

    Reply

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