Life On the Inside

September 2, 2008 at 12:02 pm Leave a comment

Had to share this photo on Jena Strong’s great blog.  It took my breath away.  Perhaps because I’m in the process of gestation, feeling from the inside what this shot shows from the outside.  And perhaps, on a bigger scale, because it captures on film the miracle of our children actually growing inside our bodies.

It’s hard to remember I’m pregnant this time around.  The first time we paid attention to every flutter and symptom, knew the days and weeks and time to go.  This time, we are full of living with the child that came of that time, and I never know the answer to the question, “How far along are you?” (Um, like five months I think?)  We are occupied and engaged, and the pregnancy thing isn’t so new.  Some days, I feel badly that we aren’t paying more attention to it.

And, yet, the normalcy and calm I have with growing a person this time around is something to celebrate as well.  I know enough to be thankful each day this pregnancy continues.  I know enough to know that it will play out as it will, and I can just do my best to stay healthy and keep baby healthy.  I know we will get the child we are meant to have in our lives, whenever we are meant to, and we will deal with the highs and lows and perfect moments and excruciating complications, whatever happens.  I am much more at peace with things this time around, not so afraid of the unknown, not pushing so hard to get work circumstances to feel better or relationships to be smooth sailing every day, not trying to get things “in place” before some magic date.

Things actually feel pretty good.  I feel pretty good.  Even with the not so good.  I’m pretty much just cruising along this time around (with the occasional maniacal meltdown, but, hey, hormones are hormones).  And, for me, feeling generally cruisy is about as much of a miracle as this photo.  Breathtaking.

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